As It Goes…

* this post was written April 29, 2012. It has been sitting in my drafts folder ever since. I’ve thought many times about deleting it, because who needs to read about depressing, whiny stuff. But I decided I needed to write it, because this is my life and I have to get over this hurdle myself or grow into the person that I want to be. I did delete some of the really tripey stuff, because I just sounded too much like big, fat baby for my own liking.

Hi, my name is Kimber Schmahl and I’m an ex-Southern girl (although not a Belle, because that would imply that I was beautiful or even pretty.) No, I am just a cornbread bakin’, ocean swimmin’, pecan roll lover.
Anyway, now I reside in Canada. (You know that place that makes ginger ale? I live across the street from that factory. Oh, no, I do not.) How did I get here? Well, that’s a funny story…Not really, I just married a Canadian and moved to lovely Ontario. Where the land is fertile and there are honeymooners,Falls and beavers.
Some of you may remember me from such educational films and self-help videos like “Designated Drivers: The Lifesaving Nerds” and “Get Confident, Stupid!” Oops, I mean “Too Fabulous for Words” which was located at (bookmark now!) which was my personal blog for many, many an eon (10 years, y’all!), until I was either too busy or possibly drunk to write in it for longer than two seconds.
What really happened was I had been ill for quite some time (as in years, if you’re desperate may I suggest the Archives, baby?) and after seeing many a doctor, they all shrugged and said, “Meh,” which I think is doctor-speak for “Next!” Then, last April after my big 40th birthday-palooza, I got really, really ill and suddenly started gaining fluid in my abdomen, ankles, hands and numerous other body parts. It got so horrible that at one point, I looked as if I was carrying triplets that were 12 weeks PAST due and that was when I didn’t leave the house for months. (So horrible to go out.) Then and only then did my doctors take notice and ordered another MRI, a CT scan, multiple gallons of blood for blood-work.They then discovered two arteries to my right ovary (ooh, lady parts!) and liver were constricted and my body was shutting down.

After being told that I was either going to a) die or b) expire or c) cease living, they decided to put me on a plethora of nature’s goodness (i.e. drugs) and then it was up to me to live. Which, when you have four kids, two cats and a husband is not what you want to hear.

So I took my mountain of meds, changed my diet radically (Low sodium, no grains, no sugar) and then I started to lose weight. Like scary, jaw-dropping amounts of weight. When you are 5’9″ and your weight starts to plummet, a sick little part of your brain says, “Oh, yay.” But once I hit 115 lbs, that shit wasn’t funny anymore. I think my lowest, that I actually recorded, was 103. Skelotor meet Kimber.

Amazingly, both of my doctors, gastroenterologist and endocrinologist thought I looked just fine. I was healthy AS A HORSE. But when your husband starts calling you Thinberley, you know there is a slight problem. My biggest issue was I just WAS NOT HUNGRY. But little by little, I started cooking more, getting out, walking, then eventually running, and my appetite returned. I was weaned off of all of the pharmaceuticals and I put on a bit of weight.

So live I did. I showed them.

Probably the worst thing about this the blow to my self-esteem. I didn’t want to be seen by anyone, at all while I was so sick. I didn’t get dressed. I didn’t go to the school for functions. I gave up on *me*. And it sucked. I am so thankful for my family and friends. They made me leave the house. Picked me up and drove me to their own homes to feed me and watch Netflix, when I had zero ambition to do so for myself. It was a Very Bad Place and frankly, that place can change you. It can change your outlook and your desires.

Say hi to the New (Improved! Now with more butter and glitter!) Kimber.

It’s a year later and I’m restarting my blog. Like fo’ reals, now. Because I miss kvetching about TV and annoying old ladies driving in the fast lane, as well as what’s new and exciting in the beauty and fashion industry. Not to mention my kids and husband who drive me up the wall, I mean who are the light of my life. (No, really they are. They were WORTH living for, that’s how special they are.)
There are many blogs out there that are about beauty, fashion, cooking, health, mommy-ing, parenting and general whininess, but I like to think I cover all those bases, because I’m a multitasker. I’m also loyal and loving and kind. Which, now that I think about it, sort of makes me sound like a Golden Retriever. Which I’m obviously not. Because last I checked, dogs can’t type.
So, welcome, dear Internet. It’s nice to be back.
If you would like to reach me and say positive things about this blog or my hair, please email me: kimber at kimberleyschmahl dot com.
If you have negative things to say, please write me a letter. Just address it to the US Government, c/o me. I’m sure I’ll get it lickety split.


  1. Shirley Jump says

    You are a beautiful person, inside and out. Witty and smart and strong and a hundred other advectives that I could steal from my thesaurus. I admire you for not giving up, for fighting for you and for being brave enough to share your story. You rock, and I just wanna give you a huge hug, ‘cept my arms won’t reach to Canada :-)

  2. says

    Oh Kimber, wow, that is so scary! I’m hugging you and loving you, and I HAVE missed you! I’m so happy you’re on a better path now but so sorry you went through all of that. I get it. I SO get it. (((HUGS)))

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